On the 18th of October 2008 I wake up from the best nights sleep I have had in weeks, in my empty room. I had moved house the week before and spent several weeks packing and unpacking, my life in a stressful shambles. That morning I feel glad that it is finished, and then I remember why I am here … my heart sinks into the pit of my stomach, a stomach that is filled with hundreds of churning lead butterflies. Today I am getting married.
The nerves make me feel sick, I retch when brushing my teeth and my hands shake continuously. I feel literally green. When I am sitting in the hairdressers, I cant even read my book, which is usually a welcome form of escapism. I sit and shake in my little chair while everyone around me is cheerful and wishes me well. I feel so very small. I start to think about the excitement that is ahead of me, the massive culmination of so much work, many hours, days and weeks of work that has gone into this one day.
While I am waiting for my mum I realise it is not nerves that make me feel like a sickly twitching wreck but excitement. I am nervous that the plans I worked so hard at will go well, I am nervous at everyone looking at me, I am nervous that it might rain, but I am not nervous about becoming David’s wife. I am excited that we will finally be together. Getting married isn’t doing much for our relationship, we have been together long enough to get over our honeymoon period, we are a domesticated couple of have ups and downs, but getting married still holds something magical. Its like shouting from the rooftops, it is proving to everyone that we really do love each other enough to give up our sense of self. To trust someone enough to give yourself to them and equally to be responsible for another’s life is immense, and that is what I was so excited about.
The bridesmaids were all brilliant, and everyone looked fantastic. I think Dave was stunned by my sparkles! The service was beautiful and the golden sun shone through the window onto the Bride and Groom it looked literally divine, I certainly felt angelic. It’s like floating on clouds! Rev. Neil was fantastic (as if I doubted him) and although some things went wrong it was perfect. I was shaking throughout, but so glad to have Dave at my side knowing we can be together at last. I have never felt like that, it is truly a unique experience. Everyone had so much love and happiness it really made me feel like there is so much good in the world, and you can find it in the faces of friends and family.
When I finally got to sit down I felt exhausted, and the rest of the afternoon and evening flew by like a hazy dream. At the end of that night Dave did not disappoint and fireman carried me over the threshold of our hotel room lol
We both feel that the day wasn’t the best day of our lives, we still have so much to look forward to. We could have improved things but without doing it first we would never have known how to do it differently. We both feel a little disappointed by some things -photographer- but immensely impressed by others – Neil and Tina were both fantastic, Pat’s cake looked brilliantly perfect and everyone made such an effort to wish us well. Over all it was a brilliant brilliant day that was full of so much sunshine, love and happiness. Forgive me for stating the obvious but it is a day I will never forget.